Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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