you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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