If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
