I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize