I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
