Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Naked Twister starts at high noon
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
