You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
