we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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