well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
