i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize