I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
