so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
