He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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