I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
