how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
