i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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