took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
