So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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