I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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