Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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