all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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