Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
