Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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