the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize