pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
