Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
