Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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