How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
