literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize