so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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