i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it was like having sex with a tree stump
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
