you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize