I seem to have left my pride at pride
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
