Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
