Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
