Michael Bay diarrhea
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
