C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
