Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
