and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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