Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
