I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
