I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
