I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
When are your genitals available?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
