$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
