She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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