I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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