Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
