My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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