Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
