if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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