Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
