I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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