Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
