dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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