If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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