i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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