my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
