she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
