my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
