I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize