we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Did I show you my penis last night?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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