absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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