now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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