I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
