I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
