Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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