nutella sex= disaster
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
