went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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