Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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