It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Panties = found
Randomize
