pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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