oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
