If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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