You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
