you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
