I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
