i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize